Grieving the loss of a friend

I wrote this last month(January 24th, 2010), but I thought I’d post it on here. I don’t know, it could actually help somebody out there (which I’m hoping it might).

Today was the day that I began the grieving process of a dear friend of mine, Scott Dunlop. I know a few people would say that I hadn’t seen him in over 15 years so why is it bothering me so much now. Well, for starters, today marked the 2nd anniversary of his death. I guess it was a delayed reaction, I’m not exactly sure why it took so long to hit me, but it did. I mean, I remember the day I found out about it and it was complete and utter shock then. I started thinking that I hadn’t seen any activity on his Facebook account for a bit so in March I thought I’d check it out and I couldn’t believe that I was reading he had passed away on January 24, 2008. I had a little cry then but pushed it down…until today.

I started thinking about the last time we had been in contact with each other. Steve and I were still living in St. Catharines but were planning a move to Corunna over Christmas. Scott was living in Alberta and I had read on his wall that he was planning on coming home for a visit with his fiancee, Christine so I sent him a message and told him we should meet up. He sent one back to tell me the days he would be in town and I told him I couldn’t promise anything since we were moving at the same time. It didn’t pan out since we also had to pull off Christmas with Steve’s family back in St. Catharines and my family here. I thought to myself, oh well, there will always be another time. Since I have family in Fort Saskatchewan, I figured, when we got the chance to visit them, we’d set up a visit with Scott and Christine as well.

Now thinking back to 2 years ago, how difficult would it have been to take an hour or 2 out of moving to spend some time with both Scott and Christine. I would have met Christine and both of them would have met Steve and all together we would have just been happy in the company of friends, old and new. Now we’ll never have that chance again. I still plan on meeting Christine someday since she was such an important person in his life and he was such an important person in my life (even though it had been years). Scott was that person that you could talk to when you felt like no one else was listening or even cared. He was that person that lifted your spirits, helped you to see the beautiful person inside of you. He was always a shoulder, an ear, a smile.

So today while sitting here at home, in Wyoming, Ontario, I couldn’t help but feel a little empty and I took a little drive to Corunna, where we both grew up. I sat down by the water, where his ashes were scattered, and had a little “talk” with him. I thought about the past and laughed a little and cried a little. I also got angry. He left an impression with everybody he met and I don’t know a single person that didn’t care for him deeply. There were people that would have been there for him like the millions of times he was there for everyone else, yet he didn’t reach out. He didn’t ask for help. He would still be here with us today if he would have just reached out for the help he so desperately needed. He hurt a lot of people in the wake of his death. Some will never fully recover. Those who were closest to him were left to pick up the pieces and today it angered me and I told him so.

I’m not writing this to paint him in a bad light. That’s the farthest thing from the truth. He was a wonderful, caring man but he obviously didn’t know how to let others love him in the same way he loved us, in order to save his life. Scott, know that you are and will always be loved. You took a little piece of all of us with you when you left us 2 years ago. But that emptiness that we feel, I know for a fact, not one of us would change it if it meant never having the chance to have been part of your beautiful life.

Love Tanya

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